Dark Angel Heart's
by NEGIGHikaruyuy
Summary: Just posted chapter 15! Once again the angel awakens with hate, pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee reveiw!!!
1. I Pray

Ok, this is one of my darker fics... I don't own any of the GW chars so... ok REVEIW!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
~I pray~  
When you sleep at night do those demons of your soul apear? And as you lay in perfect inoccence, do they claw at at your sanity? Thus I warn you, that as our word remains asleep and unaware of her demons we are all slowley being distroyed. Can you live with a half soul? Can you? I can't... what will we do when our worl dies... where will we go. I will go to God, and find in his warm embrace love. Oh God... Forgive me for i have sinned...I am human. I am sorry, I am so sorry, if only I could have fought it but i was weak and let that mortal sin of humanity over come me. Please... God, I am sorry... I didn't mean to let this happen. I am sorry, but the human flesh is whering me down. I have been punished God, take me back! I won't to be close to you again... please God, for I fear I may never sleep again, for these demons who call themselves my friends are forcing there way into my heart... oh God... God... WHY DON'T YOU ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!???????????  
~And I grow angry... forgive me...~


	2. I will Kill you...

~I will kill you~  
  
I stand just above him, wings of dark shadows arch elagantly from my back, I know what I must look like to this fool who cowers befor me.... A monster.... A devil... well I am none, I am simply a Angel of death.... the rain comes down, it is cool on my skin. I watch him, how I hate the huhmans, such sinfull creatures, yet they steal the love of my beloved Lord. Oh how I rember that day, when God forgave the humans and let that evil man Noah live... how could he forgive the humans and condem his own Angels? Does he hate us?  
  
In anger I lash out, striking that fool dirty human, sending the ungly creatur into a wall with a painful crack of bones.  
  
Why? Why? Why? I grew angry, so He sent me hear, *You must see there beauty* He had told me... But what beauty is there in these cruel, evil, self rightuos beings?   
  
My hand flutters to my chest, I can feel the human heart beat under my finger tips... The human body, something I came to loath, a heart beat with no heart. That was me... a mysterious being, ageing was not a problem, I made my self age wiht accordence.  
  
My eye's close... The rain... something I have come to hate for I love it, the sensation... something I never felt away from this place... so different from his loveing embrace and yet... I can almost imagine the rain drops as his finger tips caressing this world... and I become angry.  
  
Why? Why? Why? Why does he love this sinful world so much... this dirty little creaturs that plague me are his most loved creations...WHY WHY WHY!?  
  
~Why won't you tell me?~  
*You Must learn on your own...*  
~I DON'T WANT TO! TELL ME!~  
  
I feel the tears come... bothersom things... tears. But the human emotions are hurting me... i can feel the anguish.  
  
~ARE YOU HAPPY!? LOOK AT ME!!! look at me...~  
*My darling little angel... I see... I see the beauty of your pain...*  
  
Why does he do this... trap me in this world... I won't the warmth and music of heaven. I hate this bitter cold rain and mind numbing sound of the down pour. Oh God... Why? I can't stand it, I glance to the useless body of that dead human, it's limbs twisted unaturaly and blood running from him like a stream carried by the rain to a drain. He is dead... away from this world, in heaven or in hell... who cares... he was only human...  
  
But so am I... in a way....


	3. I have become...

~I have become...~  
  
Human? As I walk the street's there stemch fills my nostrals and my soul becomes sick. Why Do I have to stay here? Surrounded by these evil little beings... but are they evil? ... WHAT AM I THINKING!!!!!! Of course they are.   
  
I turn my eye's to a child and suddenly I almost forget that it is evil. But the child is evil by nature... I wonder... does He love the humans because of that. Oh I have had far to much time to think... being here has forced me to think, and with those thoughts have come many unwanted revalaitions... and those revalations hac cuased humanty to seep into my eye's, I see it, yet those who call themselvs my 'friends' say that I am less human than a rock... I wish it where thusely. In anger I grind my teeth, the fools...the fools...  
  
Still... Lately I have found my self in need of the men who call me 'friend'. Like they are a connection to something I Have lost... but what could a human have that I could possibly want?   
  
And then I know... Faith... something I have not. Did I ever have it? Is that... the thing that God loves so much? No... It can't be, so few have any faith left in him... Faith... faith that is pehaps burried even in the most evil? Is that why he gives them so many chances? He knows the THEY have faith, burried beneath the sin and hate... don't I have faith.... don't I?  
  
Faith... I need faith... but how does one who never had faith... in anything get faith? I Once allowed my self to trust the 'friends' but only mildly.... but trust is still so far from faith, one could have trust and be faithless. How could I find faith? The French Maiden Joan of Arc had Faith in spaids... I rember her... the only human I found any beauty in...even if it was only the smallest measure... it was there.  
  
But was Faith what made them so beuatiful to God? What was it he said, I see the beeauty of your pain? Does he rejoice in seeing me suffer? No... he see;s that in my suffering I am finding myself more than just needing him I...I ...  
  
Am I finding my faith? I stop to stand at the side walk, blue eye's wide in unblieving, hope flowering in my chest... I amlost have it....


	4. Sleeping

~sleeping~  
The rain has not stopped... the alarm clock that sits by my mattres glows at 3 am. I stair at the ceiling fan, my apartment bare save matress, linnins, and clock. How long have I laid here? My mind seem's so fuzzy, I have been thinking fasr to hard. My fake heart beat pounds painfully in my ears. What was it again? What was I searching for? I can't remember! OH God! I Have forgotten! The demons have stolen the answer from me in my sleep!   
  
I am griped by fear, the breath choked from my throat... what was the answer? Oh God... why can't I...?   
  
A picture flashes threw my mind, a women ingulfed in the flames of hell. No... wait not hell flames. I find myself foating above the girl, all oblivious to me... but she see's. Her eye's intensly blue and Then I rember why I had choosen the coler for my own.  
  
~Joan OF Arc~  
  
She looks to me, tears clouding her vision and yet... she seems happy...   
'thank you' she gasps befor the flames take her...   
  
I am back in my room, what was so importaant about her, the demons have stolen from me the answer, what was it?  
  
I have a feeling that if I could remember... WHAT IS IT!!!!! In my anger I hurl the alarm clack away from me, I hear it shatter against the kitchen counter.   
  
It was something about being burried beneath the evil, purity? No... that couldn't be it.  
  
~Tell me Lord, for I have Forgotten~


	5. Angelic Rage

~My Angelic rage~  
  
To many thoughts! I can't handle this! I feel so empty! With every moment I seem to grow more angry, more sad, more empty! To many emotions! To complicated! In my rage I leave the safty of my room, the rain pouring hard in the morning. I Must find some sinful being to distroy! I Must see them dead! I must release this anger befor it rips me apart!  
  
I run along the ally's barefoot and wet. Nothing matters but I have lost the answer.... nothing matters if I have no answer!   
  
There leaning against a wall is a women, trashy whore. Blinded by rage I go over to her. She looks at me and smiles, speeking to me, but the very sound of her voice disgusts me so that i hear not her words just her sin riddled voice, my mind screams for her death.  
  
~I pray God takes mercy on your soul~  
  
Her eye's grow scared and I rejoice as my hands come to strangle the life out of her. She struggles. Desprate human... disgusting. I tose the lifeless corps aside. Breath, i tell my self, calm down...  
  
Something in my head clicks...Joan... she was like them, my 'friends'...they where like her... what was it, what did they share...?  
  
The womens death had helped me... a human... her death... it triggered the thought...why? Then I remember what her last words where...'Oh God forgive me'  
  
~Oh God! Forgive me!!!~


	6. Why?

~Why?~  
  
That question is anoyying me... but... why? Why am I here? My feet seem to be detached from my brain as I walk towards the place I had told them to meet me.   
  
Oh God what am I doing? I feel so helpless. What makes me think they can help me? They are powerless and completly ignorant of you...What could they possibly know? What? What does a human know? What do they have that I don't?  
  
My outward appearance in no way displays my inward tormoil... but I have a feeling that my eye's are angry behind my dark shades. Three day's since my rage exploded, three day's of emptyness. It is more than I can bear... I was so close, I had the answer in my hand and it was stolen from me befor I ever had a chance to realize it.  
  
My fists clench and my nails dig into my palms... but I am beyond outward pain... the hurt in loseing such a precious answer still looms like a open wound over my heart. Wait... what heart? I am confused... why am I confused? Humans have hearts... not I... not angel's....  
  
I am gripped with fear and for a moment my steps falter... I do not want the curse of humanity... i want to remain detached to this sinfull evil world, ugly and cruel. No... No... it can't be true... I won't let it.... not human....... not really  
  
Blood drips from my hand, the noise of it as it hit's the pavement is alarming. Why? I have bleed befor but... I glance to my hands, my stepps slowing. Blood, the elixer of life... I lick my finger hungerly, blood... the salty copper tast of it fills my mouth. I tack my finger back and stare at it in shock. What...?  
  
I wipe my hands on my jeans and keep walking. Why is this happening? What is so urgent? Oh God Help me....I hate this place, it is making me question everything i once beleived... Oh God...   
  
Blood runs to my finger tip's, slowley, the small smears on my black jeans barely noticable.  
  
I hate this... I hate this... I hate those ever presistant demons that keep pushing me! Oh God! I would rather be caught in Limbo... anything to stop this fear of what I amy become... Oh God save me!  
  
I glance up and I see them, the other's... Oh God...  
  
  
_______________________________  
Heehee, ok I am doing this because... next chapter you learn who Angel boy is 


	7. The Others

  
  
~But...~  
The sun is warm, and some how forgives me for my own self pity as a look at them. They laugh, the braided one sit's spawrled in such a way as you should expect, the chinese man tries in vain to hide his sniker behind a delicate pale hand, blond stands next to the tall one, his hand resting lightly on the others elbow. They all seemed so...  
  
I shake my head, no since in dwelling on there looks. They are only humans after all...  
  
I find myself swallowing convusivly and I hesitate... how am I going to do this? Ask a human for help in divine matters... OH God give me stregth.  
  
I walk to them and as alway's there keen animalistic instincs warn them of my presence... then again, i wasn't trying to sneak up on them...  
  
The braided one... Duo speak's to me first, his elfen face so full of life... human life...  
  
'Oi! Hee-chan!'  
  
I cringe, not that he noticed, he continued  
  
'Where yah been!' He hoped over the back of the bench to land beside me, slapping me on the back. 'I was so surprised to get you email I 'bout died!'  
  
I turn my eye's to him, glareing at him, angry that he could be so light hearted when he was so sinful, but the blond interjected befor my words reached my mouth.  
  
'Is something wrong Heero?' I turn to his sickingly sweet voice to find worry in his eye's.  
  
God, i don't think he realizes who I am... ~'Hn... no...'~ I know my voice sounds gruff, but how else would you speak to a inferior.  
  
The blond... Quatre... seemed releived... why should he care any way, oh God how these men confuse me!  
  
The tall one raises and eye brow at me, Trowa... I suppose that could be his name, he choose it after all. Oh God why is it I feel that he has some clue as to it all, ass to how you work... No, i doubt it. My glare deepens.  
  
Duo laughs and shifts, his arm draped around my shoulders in a sign of friendship... Oh God... why am I here?  
  
The chinese man steps alittle closer to me, ' I never thought I'd be gald to see YOU Yuy...'  
  
'Hn...' alarmed I realize that I was relaxing in there company... Oh God Ther humanity is contagious!  
  
~OH GOD!~


	8. Tell me

  
~Tell me...~  
  
Oh God... I don't think I can handle this...  
  
Currently we all sit in a coffee shop... how they managed to get me hear is a complete mystry to me... my mind seems rather fuzzy... Snap out of it fool! I have to stay centered... I can't let...  
  
Wufei raises one delicate eyebrow at me, 'Something wrong Yuy?' the voice was sarcastic, but the underlying message was...pity...  
  
Damn him, ~`Hn... No...'~  
  
Duo cocks his head to one side and studdies me with those sinfull violet eye's, "You sure... dude you look alittle...sick...."  
  
Quatre turns his eye's to me....in them I find myself reflected... ~'I'm fine... I ahve a question...'~ I hesitate and the other's lean forward, the eye's hungery... as if what ever come forth from my mouth will quench there thirst. ~'...what do humans have that I-... that Angels do not...'~  
  
They are silent, I see the color drain from there faces, Duo put up his hands as if to protect himself, 'Heero... I don't think that question means anything... angel's don't exist.'  
  
I feel Anger flare in my heart, my teeth grind and I hear Quatre gasp, "Fool..." I his, my voice is low and deadly... my own soul trembles at the sound of it.  
  
Duo Let out a nervouse laugh, but Trowa spoke first, " Why do you wan't to know?' His voice was calm... rational...  
  
I hate him, ~'Why? Don't you think I have been asking myself that very same question... every day since...'~ my eye's burn with the salt of tears I refuse to let go.   
  
Quatre forces a shakey smile, the fear in his eye's so strong, 'H- Heero... please..whats wrong?'  
  
Did they not hear me... did they not understand? Those stupid fool dirty humans that sit befor me... they never had the slightest bit of innocence in them... I have no pity.. not anymore. My fist slams down on the table with a painfull crack, the coffee cups jared and spilt.  
  
"Oi! Yuy calm down!" Wufei snapps angrly.  
  
I hold back, I stop my self, I do as he said. I calmed... my Angelic soul despratly tried to drum up that anger... I had to stay angry else... else...  
  
I ask again, ny body relaxing and my eye's closed, ~'What do you have that I do not...'~ my voice weeps and I can not help but long for God. Oh God!  
  
They are silent... the gravity of my question finaly sinking in. Oh God! Will they tell me!? Can they tell me? Will I remember? Oh GOD!


	9. Rembering...

~Wait...~  
  
I tell my soul furiously to Wait... Oh God! Why is it taking so long!?  
  
'Eh... Heero...' I hear Quatre Murmur....  
  
~'Hn...'~ Why don't they just tell me!?   
  
'Maybe we should continue this discussion... someplace else...'  
  
He is right ... here there are to many other sinful eyes that wish to tease me and in there teasing torture me with the answer... Oh God! I look at them ... my eye's seem dry... ~' I know of a place where few go...'~ I stand and push past them...  
  
'Oi.... Hee-chan... That was a bit rude!' Duo huffed ... he was pouting know for sure. He shant gain MY pity ... he may have Yours Lord ... but he shant have mine...  
  
~They where surprised...~  
  
We stand just outside of a pretty church... I my self find no use of the different levels of religion these fool humans call the church ... the building is no less sinful than any other ... but as I had said... I know a place Few go....  
  
'We have no place here...' Wufei spat. His voice had anger lacing his words, I turn to look at his face... In his face I find sadness ... even ... fear.  
  
~'Tis only a building...'~ My voice haunts even MY ears...  
  
Duo shook his head, his braid swaying down his back in a wave of movement. 'I know this better than any ... this 'building' is a home for hope...' He fidgeted and rubbed his hands together ... as if he were remembering a painful memory. He glanced up at me ... his head cocked to the side ... he was studying me 'Just like the Maxwell church...'  
  
Why is it my mouth is so dry... Oh God ... they are doing it again... Quatre laid a hand on my arm, in surprise I jump back and he smiles ... one of his sad smiles.  
  
'We are murderer's Heero ... we have no place with those who wish to pray instead of kill...'  
  
My world ends ... what have I been doing? This whole time! Killing! I had forgotten ... after the war I had been happy ... for this first time ... it had been the end ... no more killing ... but I had forgotten... OH GOD! Forgive me! I had forgotten ... how could I have forgotten?  
  
~How could I have...?~


	10. No more pain

~This is not the answer!~  
  
No it can't be true! I won't let It!"  
  
Stop... I tell my self to stop, breath, rationalize... so what if I have killed I am still better than the humans... aren't I?   
  
No.  
  
Oh why Is He Doing this to me!?   
  
Quatre smiled, a forced smile, but his words where what reached my ears, "Do not worry, we have faith in you Heero..."  
  
I blink, the meaning sinking in, the memories came back in a flood. Joan... her faith... Faith! That was it! That even when they where evil and cruel the humans always had faith... in something.... I never had faith in anything.... Not Myself not God, not.... them.  
  
~'Thats it...'~ I did not mean to speak the thought, but it came wiht out my bidding. I had no power over it.   
  
'What is?' I hear Duo ask me.  
  
~'The answer!'~ Then it came, in a wave, the pain, the doubt, it consumed me, willing me to forget, but the severity of my realization that I... Arch Angel... was no better that the murderers who stand befor me. I cringe and I feel my body shake. The pain! As If something is being ripped from my soul.  
  
Trowa stepps fowared his solomn eye's watching me, 'Heero...' he paused waiting for my painful tremmors to lessen, 'who are you...?'  
  
But the words, the look, they where so fuzzy... what did he say... I... I can't remember... Faith... it hurts... but I must keep hold... I can't lose it? Not again... but the pain! It hurts so much!  
  
God Make It stop! You can make it stop! I know you will...I...  
  
I crumple to the ground... and I think I hear the others cry out... but I...  
  
Darkness seeps in around the edges of my vision... the pain leaves as I sink into the darkness that is swallowing me up... it is so quiet... no pain... no doubt... Oh God I knew It... I knew you wouldn't leave me!  
  
___________  
This is NOT the last chapter... so you just wait for the rest... THe dramatic conclusion is still very far off...


	11. when I awake

So empty... my eye's flutter open and I find my self staring at the boring whtie panel's of a hospital room. But which hospital.... why am I here, who am I... so many questions and none with any answers. I am lost... or am I found.... or I don't know.... panic grips me. I know nothing... I am no one.... some part of me has left, an empty hole in my heart.  
  
Oh God... who am I? A sound next to me rustles like silk, I turn my head to see them, a group of four, sleeping in what do not look Like comfortable positions on the hard plastic chairs in my room.   
  
Who...? The question die's before it ever fully develops, they where all so beautiful... so deeply lovely. As if there souls shine threw there dishevled maskes. I pull my self up, and the sound of the rough hospital sheets falling from my chest seems to awake them like an alarm. I blink and I notice that they peer at me with eye's of angels.... angels....  
  
Who they?   
  
Deep with in my soul something released, the presure in my head relaxed....but my heart begins to hurt...  
  
Who are theY? 


	12. Beautiful Souls

My heart hurts whenever I look at them, a pain that tears at me and yet I cannot take my eye's from them. What is is it about them? I sit in my bed, my head pounding dully and the soft hum of electric lights fill my ears. They blink at me in confusion, there angel eye's questioning the smile on my face.  
  
'There is no way...' the one with the braid murmures, his elfin face vividly depicting disbeleif, his eye's are a sensuall violet color and the light reflects golden off his chessnut locks. He seem's to be the over expressive type... the very way his chest moved with his breathing show's his mood to me.  
  
My smile widen's and I feel wet tears on my cheeks... the blond one, with his delicate hands and his sad aqua eye's gasps in amazement. Is it so odd...   
  
The chinese man raises an eyebrow at me, a priceless china doll... '' I thought you stronger Yuy...' He scoofs me, his nose pointed in the air with such a thoughtless pride I simply must laugh.  
  
The insane laughter bubbles up in me and escapes my lips in a furry, the looks of surprise turn to fear and the insanity of my laughter inscrease. Why am I laughing... Oh God... something is wrong with me... my control has left me along with my memories... laughter turns to sobs and I find myself entangled in my sheets and strong hands on my wrists restaining me. Threw my tears I see my saviour, green eye's, a mask of hair.... then my sight vanishes and all I see is black.  
  
It's so cold.... so empty.... where am I.... I try to scream, anything to end the silence but my troat rips at the attempt and bleeds. Oh... God the pain.... The emptiness.... I am but half a soul.... why did he leave me? Why did I leave me? Oh God..... My heart weeps at the vision of them lost... something dies within me, a hope perhaps... 


	13. I am to tired to awake

~To tired to awake...~  
  
I weep no more... I know now my human heart's destination... Hell... for sure with no saving grace that was mine when my soul was whole. I have been dreaming, I have been dreaming of them.... they dance within my mind with a grace born of angelic devils. I have yet to open my eye's.... sleep is to over powering.  
  
Numbly I know that they are there, watching over me... like angels or demons I am no longer sure which.  
  
The vision of them warms me... but then the comforting warmth would, for but a moment, increase to a painfull heat... oh God... I feel so alone...  
  
~And my dreams dance...~ 


	14. myself and I

~Myself and I...~  
  
I see... in the darkness a strangly familar face. His dark blue eye's sneere at me, disgusted by my very existance. I know thia man... this was me... staring back at me, standing before me, are bare chests heaving in time.   
  
"I have fallen!" The angel shrieks, wings of white gold at his back. I dully note without a glance behind me wings of shadows.  
  
"I have not!" I cry back.... have not what? fallen from What? Why? Oh God, my heart pounds painfully in my ears.  
  
"How could I have let my self fall so far from his grace." He moves, so fast I can't see it... only feel the air rush past my face as he pulls his hand back, the slap hit hard. Pain shoots threw every nerve as I fall to the side. The taste of blood fills my mouth and my cheeke stings painfully. The angel too falls, as if hit by an invisible barrier.  
  
I spit out the vile taste and I feel his sudden regret as my eye's burn into him. "The angel abandoned Me! I Have fallen because my salvation threw me in the gutter for my humanity. God has not abandoned me! I have abandoned me!" In my outrage I fling myself out him. my hands twisting around his neck. "Help me!" I scream, sight blurred by tears, cold fingers wrapped around my own neck. "COME BACK!"  
  
Oh God! Wake me up from this night mare! Pleasee...GOD! The angel... shakes his head violently in denial. "I will NEVER go back!" 


	15. Another mortal trial

Battles inside ones self are foolish, some how as I fight I find my own imortal soul on the sidelines watching in dispaire as I am being lost. Oh God, i do not wish to be there again, tainted by the heart's of men. oh GOd, Why do You leave me here? Why have you forgotten me?  
  
I am not sure when It hit me, but it was so sudden That I stumbled back, the realization so terrible it struck me athousand fold. But it was gone as soon as it came, leaving me bitterly alone with my self and my ill fated future in the world of man.   
  
A sharp pain shoots up my arm and light violates my eye's. I blink, fluttering eye lashes to reveal Duo standing over me, his fingers firmly pinch my arm.  
  
'Hey! it worked!' He laughed, smiling down at me with those violent eye's of his. His braid falls over his shoulder and collects like a fallen rope on my bed.  
  
I am once again trapped in there world. ~'You can stop that now.'~ My voice is rather dull to my eye's and I suppose it was the sound of it that caused the pretty braided boy infront of me to blink.  
  
He shrugged dumbly and turned away from me. Causually, as I turn my head to watch his movements, he sauntered over to Wufei whom was undoubtly sleeping. Oh God, how I hate this world. Duo kicked Wufei's legs off one of the other chairs and the Asian squaked in protest as he was awoken far to abrubtly.   
  
Oh God, what foolish beings these men are, even they who know so much more than most I have met are still so ignorant of the workings of the universe. Oh God! Why do you punish me with there exhistance? I lick mylips hungerly, and my mind begins to wander dangerously close towards the thought of there deaths. But the knowledge of there unfurfilled purpose halts my whim to appease my most desired goal....  
  
So I have decided, to wait until I my taste there foul blood.... 


End file.
